his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
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You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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