I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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