Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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