It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just puked most of my soul out..
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