I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
