So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize