i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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