My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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