My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
