i permit you to call me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
