I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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