you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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