What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
