I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
