Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
