so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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