im drinking this country out of the recession.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
