Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
