The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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