Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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