I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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