you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
