after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
