i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
