The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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