i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
