So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
