You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
