He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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