There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
