There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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