What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
