those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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