update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
