Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
