im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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