were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
