He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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