Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
