Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
