I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize