I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
