You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize