Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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