He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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