Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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