carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
