Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
