We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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