yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
