Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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