The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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