and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
