So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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