Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
