He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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