I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
