spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
