Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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