9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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