so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
