She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Holy sore nipples Batman
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
