Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
