thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
