If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
