Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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