Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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