Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
