well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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