I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
