I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize