porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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