my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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